Dr. Scott: Alicia
Trixies: Grant, Nick, James & Branton
Seven years. Holy Christ on a cracker, that’s a long fucking time. Yet, somehow, Amber Does Dallas has weathered the years, heartache, and terrible jokes that came with them just in time for their 2016 drag/birthday celebration show. It probably has some thing to do with how good the group is, but we’re very modest here. We’ve got the best modesty, absolutely tremendous.
…yeah, Trump won pres elect a couple nights before, so our show was a bit more emotionally charged than usual, but it didn’t prevent us from getting off to a hell of a start. See, our MC dragged a bunch of virgins in to a popular bachelorette party game. This one involved popping a balloon placed on our fair Nick as Magenta-turned-Tartuffe’s lap.
Did I mention that it was our yearly drag show? Cause it was and it was amazing.
Anyway, points were earned based on how sexy the balloon popper popper the balloon. We got a lot of standard stuff, front to back squeaky awkward balloon squashing, but three of them stood out: salmon shirt, who rode Magenta front to front and received uproarious applause; IT Man, who did a front to back but was a hairy beast of a man anyway, and this small wisp of a lady who actually shook Magenta’s hand before dancing on him! Applause and the MC’s choice meant Salmon and IT hooked up in the end, though.
Since it was our drag show, ever single male cast member was invited to Trixie in drag, and man did they make the most of it. Making a special guest appearance was Amber Sweet, played by the super bombastic Dr. Scott-impregnator fantastic Branton! So many questions were asked.
Commissar Callback continued to vie with our floorwalkers for first place in the “who can drive the audience into hysterics the fastest” competition, and Grant’s as eager as ever to get out of his clothes while playing Janet. Meanwhile, Nick has a disturbing game face and Lauren goes ridiculously Alpha Brad with the Transies. Kelsey made her debut Frank performance to great applause, while Krista as Riff Raff made a very convincing lackey.
The TP war ensues, and the air was filled with fast white projectiles. Brad even managed to nail Criminologist Eri in the head with a roll, to my great amusement. Nikki made a grand appearance as Eddie, and left with a nice, relaxing pickaxe to the ass. Knowing Kelsey, there definitely wasn’t any lube involved.
Now, this is where the Rocky/Janet scenes tried to make off with the show completely. Sasha as Rocky was quite the sight to behold, and gave the audience a fantastic reason to damn the inventor of pasties to hell. They took Touch-a-touch-a-touch-touch me to absolutely ridiculous levels, humping and thrusting and gyrating in a display that just barely danced on the edge of getting us all kicked out. It was quite wonderful.
Meanwhile, Magenta goes Deepthroat mode when asking Janet to tell us about it, and Janet sounded like a damn mouse! Someone send Grant off to NIMH for testing, because obviously he’s a bunch of mice stacked on top of each other. A bit later, Dr. Scott shows up looking way more pregnant than usual, and even from the back row we could read the writing on the (stomach) wall.
Will doesn’t make as good a fetus as Francis does, but he takes a fall pretty well. We got some last laughs in as Rocky tries to drag Frank offstage post little death, and during Super Heroes Brad and Janet practically oozed over the front rows.
And so it comes to our Criminologist to end our show. Considering how it was done, and the reaction some of our audience members may have had, you could say it was a rather pasty conclusion to a fantastic show!
(Show Report written by Javier, Photos by Will)