Editor’s Note: Our August 12th, 2016 show was dedicated to beloved former cast member, Corey. Corey’s battle against depression ended tragically, shortly before our show was performed. He was an amazing Frank, a spectacular entertainer, and above all, a beautiful, thoughtful soul. He will be missed by both those who knew him and those who have been, and continue to be, inspired by him.
We urge anyone who may be struggling with suicidal thoughts or depression to reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Hotline.
Dr. Scott: Nicole
Trixies: Nikki & Nicole
The pre-show game for the post-evening event was rousing game of find the clit with bowls of whip cream and gum. Four fresh faced virgins took the stage, and dived in. One stringy lad found it almost immediately, but like a prior Irish Catholic choir boy he can’t work it worth a damn. So, an eternity later two lovely ladies blow bubbles and past him. This cements them as the newlyweds for the night, while the efforts of the other two gets them the coveted No-Prize.
Now, up to this we’d had some general callbacks, nothing too special. There’s this one guy screaming his head off during the opening number, but it’s figured he’s just doing some basic stuff, he’ll quiet down after… and then the song ends.
“LET! THE LIPS! BE CRUCIFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIED!”
Dirty ol’ bastard roared out like Commissar Gaunt, and lent his voice to the rest of the show. Our own floorwalkers–including one of the people who taught us our callbacks, apparently–got steamrolled, which this writer found highly amusing. Commissar Callback, you were amazing.
(If there are any single ladies who know who Commissar Gaunt is, please contact the writer. He’s very lonely.)
Meanwhile on the floor, the wedding goes off nearly hitch free outside a drunk guest interrupting Brad and the groom. A very lovely scene in general though, at least until Brad and Janet take their leave.
One Crimmie monologue later (OH MY GOD THAT PERVERT TOOK PICTURES) we see that Brad managed to get Janet off his back for a moment as they drive on to their final straight destination. That doesn’t last long though, as they’re apparently driving a shitheap whose steering wheel flies off at the slightest provocation–and ain’t Janet provocative?
Into the rain our “heroes” go, and now’s the audience’s cue to bring out the little water pistols they’ve got. Thing is, we’ve got a new surprise for our Frank fanatics. Our tech manager whips out his big, wet, beast of a water gun and unloads on them all. Fantastic range you’ve got there, Francis.
Fast forward to the Time Warp, and this is really where the audience shined. GET THE FUCK UP was yelled from all sides, but the bunch of virgins were already getting to their feet! Then, like a small island in 2011, the floor shook. No shit, the audience was moving enough to make the floor vibrate! Here’s hoping for more audiences like that.
Four floors up the castle is where our Frank fanatics have their first falter, though. You see, the last audience set the bar way too high for your writer when it comes to toilet paper. Your writer expected a modicum of success. He did not expect the floor to become a mortar ground before Rocky had started unwrapping, for it to continue way too long after the ceasefire, and for the floor to look like, to quote, a “TP minefield.”
There was a lovely buildup of the Superman’s theme song in the crowd when Brad goes Super-asshole, which was nice.
A couple scenes later we’re in red room/blue room territory, where Frank and Janet amused the hell out of everyone by having a sword fight instead of straight up fucking. Later on Janet fucks Rocky with some wonderful mounting and bouncing, but not before Rocky looks utterly disgusted by the prospect. Still, going down on Janet lends itself to certain things, as Commissar Callback pointed out–Rocky don’t give a fuck about eating Eddie after eating Janet.
Now, before the end of this little write up, your writer has to mention one last fuckup on the audience’s part. During the cards for sorrow, cards for pain bit, they all get the option to throw some playing cards at Frank. Unlike the TP disaster, they didn’t fuck up the timing. You know what they did do, though? THEY THREW THE CARDS IN THE EXACT OPPOSITE DIRECTION FROM FRANK
(Show Report written by Javier, Photos by Will)