Dr. Scott: Nick
Trixies: James & Alicia
Oh man, it’s time! One of our greatest announcements ever! Something so exciting, I can barely contain myself!
We initiated our version of the Lord’s Prayer, and I got to deliver it!
Wait what? That’s not exciting? Well, fuck you! Here’s the actual news, I hope it blows your socks off so hard you never find them again!
AMBER DOES DALLAS IS GONNA PERFORM AT FAN EXPO! WE’RE GONNA BE PERFORMING FOR LITTLE NELL, PATRICIA QUINN, MEATLOAF, BARRY BOSTWICK AND
HOLY FUCKING SHIT!
Now calm the fuck down.
So yeah, pretty big show. It’s only proper that we get it started right: testing a variety of virgins and their deepthroating capabilities. Kelsey and Kimmy marched up there to demonstrate, and to the shock and awe of everyone Kim took the banana, WITH THE SKIN ON, and shoved most of the damn thing in (Ed. note: I. AM. SINGLE.). Like holy shit even Kelsey was impressed. Scared. Scaressed?
Two flexithroated virgins later, we get on with the show. Not only is this a night of big news, it’s a night of firsts: James took to the stage as our first official male Trixie ever! Of course, this isn’t enough to keep eyes off Alicia in her trixie…ing? The audience was all over her, my goodness. ‘Course, they may not have had much choice in the matter.
The laughs start almost immediately, with one of our loudest audience members ever making her presence known in the third row. “OH MY GOD, SO FUNNY!” Not as funny as your overreaction, lady. Brad didn’t think things were too funny when the car broke down though, and kicked the floor so hard you’d think it’d fucked his mother. It probably didn’t help that some audience members brought in their own prop packs, WHICH IS A BIG NO-NO. Come on, you nearly got him to gag (as hard as that is to believe with James).
Now, we had another new addition for this show. During There’s a Light, all of our transies took to the front of the stage, and in a singular cellular display, lit up the theater space with the LEDs! The choreography looked fantastic. Brad and Janet (Nicole) arrive safely by cell light, and are greeted by a finger fucky Riff (Kelsey) and Magenta (Nikki). We get pretty sad right before the Time Warp though, as Commissar Callback yells “SHOW US MARY TYLER MOORE!”, which I’m rather glad for because it saved me the trouble. Now, what was weird about this particular Time Warp was the audience participation. Yeah, people usually do the dance, but that many people tapping along with Columbia (Krista)? Good lord, it was like Riverdance, only even more drunk.
This is where we get to an exciting debut. Remember the Deepthroat Wizard from earlier? That’s right, Kimmy took to the stage for the first time as Frank! Causing Janet to plunge into the audience like a meteor while sporting a very fashionable string of eyeballs, she received massive cheers. Of course, this happy thing was interrupted by a virgin playing Gandalf, screaming “YOU SHALL NOT PASS” at us for reasons undefined. Even weirder though would probably be the sustained cheering Brad got when he stripped to his skivvies.
Rocky (Grant) was born not only with his signature golden shorts, but a cape as well! Eddie (Eri) busts out of the fridge, chasing people all over the damn place while shaking her head like she’s in that one What Is Love SNL skit. In the end, an incredibly excited Frank and an incredibly reluctant Rocky take to the bedroom.
Speaking of rooms, the unpeeled banana from earlier makes another appearance here to torment Brad at the hands of Frank in the bedroom scene, to the great amusement of all. On the other side of the house, the dogs are released after Rocky, and here we’ve got yet another improvement on our show: not only does Rocky run about, he’s chased by three transies in dog ears! It was a hell of a sight.
Later in the lab, Janet tends to Rocky’s wounds with a wonderful new addition to a classic callback: “HE’S GOT MORE SHINER THAN YOU’VE GOT VAGINER.” Positively wonderful. Also wonderful: “YOUR HAIR SMELLS GREAT, BUT YOUR TWAT SMELLS LIKE A BABY’S COFFIN” Because as usual, Grant looks absolutely befuddled by the female form.
At dinner scene, we keep things relevant with the nazi-ass Dr. Scott (Nick) getting punched the fuck out by Brad! Like damn, I did nazi that punch coming. Frank dies a little bit later after being flown a shawl over by Jackie, falling to the stellar comet like entrance of Riff and her laser gun.
And so we come to the end of another great show, filled with laughter, tears, and a fantastic amount of Nazi punching. We hope you all enjoyed it, and that you see us at Fan Expo! IT’S GONNA BE GREAT!
(Show report written by Javier, Photos by Sasha)